Master Chicken Fabulous

Master Chicken Fabulous was neither super hero nor super foe but he was fabulous and did super things always with good intentions but not always with good results.  Still, he was credited for his intentions as opposed to the results and it was his intentions that more often resulted in super good things as opposed to super bad things, the latter of which may have resulted largely from his lazy eye. Regardless, no one is quite sure who suggested he take up archery but all agree that the results were super bad. 

loser

The year of his loserdom was simply a one and a half to two year period of cascading realizations about the nature of his underachievement in life. Up until that point, he thought he was on his way and that success was just around the corner.  It may have been but he kept on waiting for that corner to turn in his direction revealing the success he had so hoped for. Other times he worked tirelessly to achieve other goals, some worthy and other unworthy, neither of which he ever achieved,  but in retrospect, during the year of his loserdom, he realized he mistakenly thought that by working towards one thing, he could then achieve another. Alas, in the year of his loserdom he realized that who he was was not embodied in the success he had hoped for but rather who he was was embodied in his failed attempts towards that success.  As the year of his loserdom was about to end, he realized that the success, which may have once been around the corner, was actually so far away that he wasn’t sure he should bother trying anymore and he also realized that he didn’t even really know who he was because as it had turned out, he had been a failure for so long without even knowing it. His lack of realization for so long was a whole other issue that gnawed at him unceasingly until he fully and truly just gave up. The disappointment he felt eventually emerged as the ever present backdrop of his life that he no longer attached to his sense of failure and it just became who he was. 

the big macaroni

It was a big piece of macaroni, bigger than any piece of macaroni she had ever seen before.  And there it was, in the middle of her plate amongst all the normal macaronis served to her at a fancy restaurant where she sat having met her fiancé’s parents for the first time.  She looked around and noticed that no one else had any big macaronis on their plate and that no one else had even ordered macaroni.  They ordered things like chicken and steak but she had to have macaroni. “I always have to have macaroni!” she thought to herself and now, seeing where her incessant craving for macaroni got her, she wondered why. She was embarrassed, confused and not sure of what to do. She had never read any instructions in any social etiquette books or manuals that ever said anything about what to do when confronted with an enormously large macaroni whilst dining with future in-laws for the first time. “How could this glaring oversight have been missed by all the books and manuals?” she wondered to herself as a nervousness crept up from her stomach, nearly closing her throat.  Before she completely lost herself in the thoughts of her predicament, her finance’s mother asked her, in what seemed to be a slightly condescending tone, “are you alright dear?”. It was a tone that she despised and it triggered something in her that felt primal but so very right.  She inhaled deeply, forked the big macaroni and with a smile said, “Yes, I am fine. Just fine.” and then began to eat the big macaroni without any shame at all.

Meat

Car grinders were like meat grinders in that they churned out meat. The only difference was that the car grinder churned out meat with an overwhelming metallic and motor oily taste but it was that taste that carried with it a cost premium over regular meat not made out of cars. Even those who did not like the strong taste would occasionally spend a little extra to get the meat made from cars because of the extra health benefits including a high mineral content from the metal and oil to lubricate joints and bones. The health benefits of gasoline, which was sometimes added afterwards, needs no explanation.  Whereas meat from cows was called beef and from pigs was called pork, meat from cars was called cow and if you wanted a hamburger made from car, you would order a cowburger, which on one hand made no sense but on the other hand, seemed about right.

the pigeons of justice

There once was a little boy whose tongue was ripped out by pigeons.  Pigeon psychologists theorized that the attacking pigeons somehow related the boy and his tongue to their mothers and were possibly reminded of being fed worms from their mothers’ mouths when they were little.  This theory caught on and was widely believed because the little boy in fact looked rather pigeon like, especially in the face area, and therefore could have resembled a mother pigeon.  But the truth was that the little boy had interrupted the pigeons from scavenging old popcorn that had fallen to the ground.  He had seen the pigeons pecking at the stale popcorn pieces and rushed in scaring them away.  As if that was not enough, the little boy began pecking at the ground eating the popcorn himself and occasionally turning to the pigeons to stick his tongue out at them as an expression of his victory and evolutionary superiority, of which the little boy was very proud in comparison to the seemingly lowly state of the pigeons.  But the pigeons were proud too and could not let the little boy’s offensive gestures go without retribution.  Some might say their response was excessive, but those who knew the little boy felt justice was served and were relieved that they would never have to hear from the little boy again. 

the sad little boy

Once upon a time there was a really really sad little boy. One day he went out to play and looked up in the sky to see the sun shining down and when he looked up at the sun, he saw that it was smiling at him. Eventually the sun went down but the little boy looked up again and saw that the moon had risen and it was smiling at him too. Soon he had to go to bed and say good night to the moon but just as he was going to go to bed he looked up again and not only saw that the moon was smiling at him but he noticed that all the stars were smiling at him too. When he finally did go to bed he could barely sleep thinking about all the smiles from the sun, the moon and the stars. Before he realized it, he drifted off to sleep. The next day he woke up and remembered all the smiles from the day before. He went outside to play again and eventually found a small pond. He went over to the pond and looked over the edge to see his reflection. For some reason he couldn't quite explain, his reflection surprised him and he couldn't help but smile at what he saw.

the doorway to his mind

When he ran his fingers though his hair that morning he could feel a foreign knob like thing somewhere on the back of his head. He tried to brush is away but soon realized that it was attached to his skin.  Alarmed that it might be a tick like creature of some kind he rushed to the bathroom and through a complicated mirror arrangement he was able to find the knob like thing and see that it actually looked like an intricately crafted door knob.  Surprised he began to examine the knob and the back of his head and was even more surprised to find an entire door on the back of his head to which the door knob belonged.  He wondered if the door would open and so he gently twisted the knob between his finger and thumb.  It turned quite precisely and made a satisfying clicking sound that would only have been made as the result of fine engineering.  Upon hearing the click he gave a gentle tug and the door to the back of his head opened.  He angled and crouched and tried to peer through the door way but all he could see was a darkness that he could not penetrate with any combination of mirror angle and light source. He had to get on with his day and so he reluctantly closed the door so that he could go but the mystery of what he might see through the doorway smoldered in his mind all day long. So did the question of how he might actually see through the doorway, which he began to think of as the doorway to his mind.  But eventually he realized that he didn’t just want to see into the doorway of his mind but that he wanted to go into it; although, he wasn’t sure how that would be possible without somehow disassociating his self with his body so that his self could reach his mind in a way his body could not.  He decided that astral projection would take too long to master in order to reach his goal and that he didn’t trust shamanic dismemberment.  He figured the best way to pass through the doorway to his mind would be in his dreams at night so that very night he prepared himself for the journey.  Once in the dream state he was able to disassociate his self from his body and he was able to reach the door way that resided on the back of his head. He twisted the door knob once again, felt the satisfying click and pulled the door open to see the same darkness he saw earlier that day.  Without hesitation he stepped through and found that the doorway to his mind led him to a staircase that seemed to descend endlessly into the depths of his mind.  He could only see so far down the staircase because the descent was obscured by darkness only a few steps beyond where he stood. He wanted to know where the staircase ultimately led to and so he began the descent step by step wondering what he'd find along the way.