the big macaroni

It was a big piece of macaroni, bigger than any piece of macaroni she had ever seen before.  And there it was, in the middle of her plate amongst all the normal macaronis served to her at a fancy restaurant where she sat having met her fiancé’s parents for the first time.  She looked around and noticed that no one else had any big macaronis on their plate and that no one else had even ordered macaroni.  They ordered things like chicken and steak but she had to have macaroni. “I always have to have macaroni!” she thought to herself and now, seeing where her incessant craving for macaroni got her, she wondered why. She was embarrassed, confused and not sure of what to do. She had never read any instructions in any social etiquette books or manuals that ever said anything about what to do when confronted with an enormously large macaroni whilst dining with future in-laws for the first time. “How could this glaring oversight have been missed by all the books and manuals?” she wondered to herself as a nervousness crept up from her stomach, nearly closing her throat.  Before she completely lost herself in the thoughts of her predicament, her finance’s mother asked her, in what seemed to be a slightly condescending tone, “are you alright dear?”. It was a tone that she despised and it triggered something in her that felt primal but so very right.  She inhaled deeply, forked the big macaroni and with a smile said, “Yes, I am fine. Just fine.” and then began to eat the big macaroni without any shame at all.

Meat

Car grinders were like meat grinders in that they churned out meat. The only difference was that the car grinder churned out meat with an overwhelming metallic and motor oily taste but it was that taste that carried with it a cost premium over regular meat not made out of cars. Even those who did not like the strong taste would occasionally spend a little extra to get the meat made from cars because of the extra health benefits including a high mineral content from the metal and oil to lubricate joints and bones. The health benefits of gasoline, which was sometimes added afterwards, needs no explanation.  Whereas meat from cows was called beef and from pigs was called pork, meat from cars was called cow and if you wanted a hamburger made from car, you would order a cowburger, which on one hand made no sense but on the other hand, seemed about right.

the pigeons of justice

There once was a little boy whose tongue was ripped out by pigeons.  Pigeon psychologists theorized that the attacking pigeons somehow related the boy and his tongue to their mothers and were possibly reminded of being fed worms from their mothers’ mouths when they were little.  This theory caught on and was widely believed because the little boy in fact looked rather pigeon like, especially in the face area, and therefore could have resembled a mother pigeon.  But the truth was that the little boy had interrupted the pigeons from scavenging old popcorn that had fallen to the ground.  He had seen the pigeons pecking at the stale popcorn pieces and rushed in scaring them away.  As if that was not enough, the little boy began pecking at the ground eating the popcorn himself and occasionally turning to the pigeons to stick his tongue out at them as an expression of his victory and evolutionary superiority, of which the little boy was very proud in comparison to the seemingly lowly state of the pigeons.  But the pigeons were proud too and could not let the little boy’s offensive gestures go without retribution.  Some might say their response was excessive, but those who knew the little boy felt justice was served and were relieved that they would never have to hear from the little boy again. 

the sad little boy

Once upon a time there was a really really sad little boy. One day he went out to play and looked up in the sky to see the sun shining down and when he looked up at the sun, he saw that it was smiling at him. Eventually the sun went down but the little boy looked up again and saw that the moon had risen and it was smiling at him too. Soon he had to go to bed and say good night to the moon but just as he was going to go to bed he looked up again and not only saw that the moon was smiling at him but he noticed that all the stars were smiling at him too. When he finally did go to bed he could barely sleep thinking about all the smiles from the sun, the moon and the stars. Before he realized it, he drifted off to sleep. The next day he woke up and remembered all the smiles from the day before. He went outside to play again and eventually found a small pond. He went over to the pond and looked over the edge to see his reflection. For some reason he couldn't quite explain, his reflection surprised him and he couldn't help but smile at what he saw.

the doorway to his mind

When he ran his fingers though his hair that morning he could feel a foreign knob like thing somewhere on the back of his head. He tried to brush is away but soon realized that it was attached to his skin.  Alarmed that it might be a tick like creature of some kind he rushed to the bathroom and through a complicated mirror arrangement he was able to find the knob like thing and see that it actually looked like an intricately crafted door knob.  Surprised he began to examine the knob and the back of his head and was even more surprised to find an entire door on the back of his head to which the door knob belonged.  He wondered if the door would open and so he gently twisted the knob between his finger and thumb.  It turned quite precisely and made a satisfying clicking sound that would only have been made as the result of fine engineering.  Upon hearing the click he gave a gentle tug and the door to the back of his head opened.  He angled and crouched and tried to peer through the door way but all he could see was a darkness that he could not penetrate with any combination of mirror angle and light source. He had to get on with his day and so he reluctantly closed the door so that he could go but the mystery of what he might see through the doorway smoldered in his mind all day long. So did the question of how he might actually see through the doorway, which he began to think of as the doorway to his mind.  But eventually he realized that he didn’t just want to see into the doorway of his mind but that he wanted to go into it; although, he wasn’t sure how that would be possible without somehow disassociating his self with his body so that his self could reach his mind in a way his body could not.  He decided that astral projection would take too long to master in order to reach his goal and that he didn’t trust shamanic dismemberment.  He figured the best way to pass through the doorway to his mind would be in his dreams at night so that very night he prepared himself for the journey.  Once in the dream state he was able to disassociate his self from his body and he was able to reach the door way that resided on the back of his head. He twisted the door knob once again, felt the satisfying click and pulled the door open to see the same darkness he saw earlier that day.  Without hesitation he stepped through and found that the doorway to his mind led him to a staircase that seemed to descend endlessly into the depths of his mind.  He could only see so far down the staircase because the descent was obscured by darkness only a few steps beyond where he stood. He wanted to know where the staircase ultimately led to and so he began the descent step by step wondering what he'd find along the way.

the sound of all sounds

There once was a little boy who could hear the sounds.  He loved to hear the sounds no matter where they came from whether they were intended to make music or were part of environmental circumstance including weather phenomena and precipitation or if they were the voices from the animal and insect kingdoms that ruled the world.  The little boy knew that no matter what sounds he might hear or where they might come, that all the sounds ultimately came from the sound of all sounds and what he wanted to hear most in all the world was the sound of all sounds in the purest of all forms.  He also knew that he would have to search for the sound of all sounds if he really wanted to hear it so the little boy set off on a journey in search of the sound of all sounds.  His journey took him on hiking expeditions and airplanes, on philosophical quests and deep ponderings and ultimately to the face of the most gigantic rock in all of history, which he didn’t expect to find but just so happened to be right in the way of where his journey took him.  He intuitively knew for some reason that going around the rock would most likely mean that he would never hear the sound of all sounds so he sat down in front of the rock and began to think of how he might continue his journey.  He didn’t realize it but he happened to sit right down in the very same place a another self of his had sat down to contemplate a different solution to a different problem in a different space time continuum that just so happened to intersect with the little boy’s space time continuum of that very moment.  This coincidental timing infused the two selves of the little boy together causing a mind energy blossom to dissipate into the fabric of reality calling other selves to the little boy, which selves infused themselves with the selves that had begun to infuse with the little boy’s self.  As self upon self infused themselves with the little boy to become one with him, his self-consciousness recognized a growing consciousness that grew with each additional infused self.  The immaterial nature of his growing consciousness was not impeded by nearby objects of the material world such as nearby plant life, the ground he sat on nor was his consciousness impeded by the most gigantic rock in all of history.  Soon his consciousness extended far beyond his body and even into the rock until eventually it had taken upon the entirety of the rock and the little boy found himself at the very center of the rock with his consciousness as large as the most gigantic rock in all of history and growing larger and larger.  Since he was someone who could hear the sounds he thought he would try to hear the sounds inside the rock and upon hearing the sounds he realized that he had found the sound of all sounds right there in a place he never expected to travel nor was it a place he ever expected to find the sound of all sounds.  Meanwhile, selves  were continually flocking to this extraordinary  happening and his consciousness continued to expand faster and faster at an exponential rate until his consciousness filled the entire earth, then the entire galaxy and eventually the entire universe including the consciousnesses and brain activity of all living creatures, the patterns of planetary orbits and the power of light emitted from innumerable suns and stars.  As this happened, the sensory overload you might expect was avoided by the little boy because the more his consciousness expanded, the more he focused on hearing the sound of all sounds and as the power of his consciousness increased from all that it encompassed, his focus on the sound of all sounds increased and he ultimately heard the sound of all sounds in its most pure form, which sound amazed the little boy beyond any amazement he ever imagined possible.  The amazement was so thoroughly amazing that eventually he actually lost consciousness and all the moments and infusions of selves began to diffuse and go on their way to whichever space time continuum they originated from.  When the little boy was restored to his usual self and the consciousness he was familiar with, he awoke and found himself in front of the rock with the memory of all that happened including a memory of the sound of all sounds.  But, unfortunately, despite his memory of the sound of all sounds he couldn’t replay in his mind the actual sound of all sounds as he had just heard.  And while he could still hear the sounds in general, having heard the sound of all sounds changed the little boy and instead of just hearing the sounds, he began to listen hoping again to someday experience the sound of all sounds in its most pure of all forms as he did that day in the middle of the most gigantic rock in all of history. 

another weird topic

One day, Mr. Karoma felt a weirdness weirding through but he couldn’t figure out exactly what the weirdness was thereby causing him to feel perplexed and uneasy. Still, he had things to do and went about his day doing the things he had to do.  The emerging weirdness began to feel like it was going to give him a facial tick so he periodically, once every 3 to 4 minutes, would try to motion his eyes as far down as they could go trying to focus on his lower left check but like most people, his lower left check, as well as his other check, was not visible to his eyes without the aid of a mirror. When one was available he made use of it and observed his lower left check but when one wasn’t available he kept trying to look at it every 3 to 4 minutes by forcing his eyes to try and focus on that check.  He was seen by many people that day as he tried to focus on that cheek and to them, Mr. Karoma looked like a weird man.  But his weird look was not nearly as weird as when the weirdness finally did weird through and in fact, his left check did develop a rather severe facial tick causing at least one women who witnessed it to exclaim in a loud voice, “oh my!”  The facial tick eventually culminated in a series of almost violent spasms until something indeed weird began to weird through the surface of the skin making him look so weird because of the weirdness but also because of his equally weird reaction to the weirdness so as to make the entire situation a totality of weirdness unlike any weirdness ever witnessed by anyone present, especially Mr. Karoma.  As the weirdness ensued it began to take form as a kind of intangible, translucent flowingness that oozed out of Mr. Karoma’s cheek spilling onto the ground forming a puddle beneath him except it wasn’t really a puddle of anything other than a puddle of weird intangible, translucent flowingness.  Mr. Karoma was speechless and he didn’t know what to do while onlookers stared equally as speechlessly at him.  While he began to wonder what had happened and what might be wrong with him the translucent puddle of weirdness began to rise up and he thought it might go back into his cheek but instead it began to take on a shape and eventually took on the shape of what could be described as a gender neutral human-like being complete with facial features but no hair.  This weird being turned to Mr. Karoma and graciously bowed to him offering many thanks until it departed by seeming to evaporate before their eyes.  And what was really weird about it was that when this human-like form spoke to Mr. Karoma, it spoke with a Scottish accent.