Friday, September 1, 2017

no time for muffin funk

While the muffins may have been a little over four days old and left out in a sweaty plastic bag in the waning heat of summer’s end, he didn’t expect that the muffins would develop the funk. He opened the bag and took out a muffin with his mouth agape read to taste it. When his mouth closed over and bit down, he at first suspected and then as he chew, he knew, his muffins had fallen victim to the muffin funk. But he didn’t want to believe it so he took another bite and found himself engaged in some kind of battle in his mind nearly willing himself to not notice the funk, as if he could manage to impose the lie he was telling himself on the remainder of the muffin and the other muffins in the bag, curing them of the muffin funk and restoring his world to the balance that had possessed it before this discovery he was attempting to unknow. He took a third bite and was almost there, almost believed that there was no funk, that all the muffins were just perfectly fine but finally, his rational mind powered through the story he was telling himself bursting open the imaginary damn he had constructed in his mind, protecting himself from the knowledge of the funk causing his mind to undeniably flood with the sensory experience of the funk. Almost involuntarily he put the muffin in back in the bag and then determinedly he threw the whole bag of muffins in the garbage, disgusted at the waste and the commitment to a change of plans that put him in face with the unknown when he didn’t have time for new inventions. Rather than think of something new, he simply took a deep breath, exhaled slowly and considered that having foregone the time to chew the muffin, he found himself with a little extra time to think that morning.

Friday, June 9, 2017

and the Gods made humans

In all of the Universe and possible and probably and likely imagined and unimaginable existence, the Gods were unlike any others and they made a lot of stuff taking great care in their designs to the point of a kind of fastidiousness that might be annoying amongst mere mortals but for Gods it was rather secondary to their nature and they had a lot of patience being perfect beings like they were. The Gods had many unique designs among them and some even ventured to say that every design of each living creature both plant and animal and even human and non-human, even from living to non-living, was unique just like the snowflakes they were so fond of. Sure, there were similarities and in some instances the same raw materials would be found in any amount of any given samples of this and that but the arrangement of those materials and subsequent emergent properties all presented uniqueness upon uniqueness in quite stunning fashion; although, most Gods were pretty careful not to let it go to their heads (and were privately displeased when some Gods did let it go to their heads but they were too perfectly polite to ever confront such issues of such little consequence which were assuredly of little consequence because, uniquely amidst all the entirety of all existence, the Gods were quite perfectly self-critical and were very efficient in self-chastisement, with special care not to be shameful, which they found a rather ugly phenomena, so that they might self-correct and not be prideful so that they can eventually continue on in their perfection.) But the Universe was a funny thing and in its totality saw fit to include an occasional weakness amongst perfection so that perfect might be truly perfect rather than perfectly boring and thus the Universe limited the Gods in their ability to discern the future and as a compliment to this weakness the Universe introduced variability from the very beginning of its self-existence and was thereby eternally entertained in its observations all the on goings that could possibly ever happen. And it was because of the Gods’ inability to accurately perceive the future in a predictive manner and because they did not know of the details of the randomness that the Universe introduced that the Gods were constantly trying to match their unique creations to the ideal circumstances so that their creations might achieve what the conceived of as perfection in both their creations and the context of their creations according to the Gods’ own perceptions. When they matched creations to circumstances well wonderful things would happen and would often be replicated, which is one of the reasons why so many planets and solar systems were eventually created and continued to be created, they had such fun with those things and marveled at all the different colors of the planets. Other things were replicated often such as clouds and the aforementioned snowflakes as well as geological patterns. Nebulas were a favorite past time among many and so were black holes, although, they were often lost. Occasional accidents occurred such as errant meteorites crashing into planets but that also kept things interesting to the Gods, which is exactly why the Universe introduced randomness. Amongst all of the designs they created, the designs of life were the most fickle and temporary and amongst the designs of life, humans were even more difficult to match to ideal circumstances. Many Gods were confounded by humans’ seemingly unpredictable responses to what the humans encountered during their existence. Some of their responses were surprisingly amazing such as the pyramids and they were even more so amazed by the depths of compassion that the humans would occasionally display. But disappointingly, the humans caused a lot of problems and in turn created a lot of stupid things as well such as bottled water. But generally, the Gods marveled at how the humans employed the unique features that the Gods installed within them which led to Gods to continue to develop the uniqueness of their human designs. They just couldn’t figure out why some of the unique features were used in such unintended ways so as to yield amazingness or horribleness and more and more that some of the most unique designs among the humans were unrecognized and lost to obscurity. Try as they might to match such unique humans to the ideal circumstances where such uniqueness could be employed to miraculous effect, other humans would just screw it all up causing the Gods creations to languish and eventually perish having never been realized to the fullest potential, which potential even the Gods were not sure of but of which they hoped to learn. Thus is was that many of the unique features they built into the humans were wasted by a lack of available circumstances that would showcase such special features. Still, the Gods tried and tried and unknowingly struggled against the weakness the Universe gave them (unknowingly because they didn’t realize the Universe could have made them fully omniscient knowing the beginning from the end but simply chose not to on a whim one day) and the Universe observed and observed taking notice of the evolutionary trajectory of the Gods as they continued to try and learn how best to match their creations to circumstances. The Gods lamented wasted opportunities, especially those they saw amongst their human designs but they also triumphed at human successes and even surprises, which gave them the passion to keep on trying and was the motivation that ultimately propelled the Gods to learn more and more of the science of matching their creations to circumstances, but on the balance the Gods felt that humans mostly lost their opportunities and achieved such a small fraction of their fullest potential, which if they were to achieve, the Gods knew, would be most glorious. As a result, the Gods agreed to only experiment with human designs on one sole planet until they understood better how to effectively match the humans to circumstances that would allow them to fully develop their potential. Meanwhile, the Universe chuckled because only it realized what the cause of the Gods befuddlement was regarding the humans, which was the randomness it had introduced into all of creation, which randomness the Universe was interested to see caused unintended consequences that not even it would have predicted. But that was what was most interesting to the Universe even if it was to some degree at the Gods’ expense, but the Universe, being as omniscient as it was, knew that the Gods had a pretty good sense of humor. 

Monday, May 8, 2017

such fluffy cows

The cows looked so fluffy against cobalt blue skies of afternoon summer sunshine floating there in a stop motion kind of silent gaze as if my world might be paused just like theirs. Their legs just dangled there obviously theirs but somehow it seemed so unnatural, so protruding there as if I could reach up and grab their legs but even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to reach I reached up anyways and just as I expected, their legs were so far away. So I laid back and watched their utters, also dangling there in midair underneath the cows but not as far down as their legs and I noticed they were milking themselves giving birth to baby clouds that would float away and mature into new cows eventually so fluffy just like the others and they too became so still and tranquil. And it was one of those days where there were a lot of fluffy cows floating there piled on top of each other giving birth to one another and the sunlight was still able to shine amidst the back drop of cobalt blue skies. It was such a pretty sight that I just continued to sit back and lay there and I watched the fluffy cows float by as still as could be, without a sound, seeing to stop time and entertain me. 

Friday, April 28, 2017

something personal

I sometimes miss those rainy dreary days when I’d wake up early in the morning to grey cloud filtered light, barely able to see the paper of my journal in which I’d write and I’d listen to the same music over and over again because it explained exactly how down I felt in anticipation of facing every inevitable bad day that I knew would always be the same, dragging me lower and lower nearly towards an inescapable fate. As horrible as those days were, I felt so real in the mornings contemplating what had become and where I was and what I wished for with just enough hope that someday a difference would come. My children, just babies then, would come and sit on my lap as I listened and thought and wrote sad things, sipping herbal tea through a metal straw that helped me hang on while I held on to them and the rare feeling in my world that felt right. By the time the first was older, the second came and sat on my lap just the same and I wrote more sad things in that same space under the grey cloud filtered light again as if the sun never shined but in those eyes, asking again to be held and content in that moment to be held by me is a feeling I can still remember and how it felt so right. 

Thursday, April 20, 2017

finding a porpoise

On a rather boring day of a boring week in the middle of his boring life he decided he needed to do something different and so he additionally decided he needed to look for a porpoise because he heard they were plentiful in the seas but in all actuality he had never seen one in the wild. He considered his options for porpoise searching and wondered if he would need apparatuses such as rafts or row boats or motor boats. He had none of those things and began to feel his hopes of finding a porpoise drift away much like a school of porpoises swimming off in the sunset at hypersonic speeds, because he knew porpoises were fast. He resolved not to lose all hope and ran to the beach and striped off his shirt and pants and shoes and socks and ran and dove into the waves and swam out towards the horizon in search of a porpoise. In his excitement and enthusiasm he didn’t anticipate his body’s need to recover from the exertion he compelled himself towards so he stopped for what he thought would be a brief moment to catch his breath, but his mind took a brief assessment determining that his body was fatigued and relayed a message to his consciousness to take the appropriate measures. Upon the appearance of thoughts to find a place to rest he looked around himself for the shore because he knew he would need to swim back but was disheartened when he realized it was beyond sight. His mind began sending rapid fire messages to his consciousness to do something to give himself some rest, which caused a slight panic within him but he willed himself to slow down his thoughts and floated on his back while he tried to put himself in a state of mind where he could find a solution to his predicament. The shifts of waves and currents caused him to struggle and exert further energy and effort continuing to tire him when what he wanted was rest, but still he tried until he realized that in that moment what he wanted more than anything was to live. He realized he had forgotten all about finding a porpoise but he began to remember his quest to find one and thought about how his search brought him into his current circumstances. As his focus began to shift from holding onto life to finding a porpoise, his body slowed down and relaxed and sank down to the point that his face was all that remained above water, just barely able to breath, tasting drops of salty water and licking his lips. He didn’t realize it but he was compelled to only one or the other. As he thought about his desire to find a porpoise, he forgot about holding on to his life and he stopped trying. Without trying, he soon slipped under and succumbed to the weight of his exhausted body. Instinctively he held his breath and a panic began to build for search of a way to breath but then the thought of porpoises again filled his mind and he smiled underwater and it was the last thing he ever thought.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

the greed

It had been decided long ago in ancient tombs as they buried their dead, in the embryonic days of time, to forge a mechanism by which they could maintain power for themselves and their kind. They realized that desire was as strong as anything they could create on their own and so they wrapped their intentions in the folds of the fresh milky white flesh of desire and cooked their creation in the darkest hollows of the earth from where their predecessors first crawled prior to the dawn of humanity’s birth. They marveled at their creation and called it greed and were taken with its appearance because it was infinite black, knowing no limits, able to continuously devour without satisfaction and they placed it in the unsuspecting hearts a nascent people who misunderstood the greed to simply be a moral justification from beyond their own minds. The last of the ancient ones eventually died knowing the knowledge of their hand in the creation of the greed would be buried in their own tombs but they also knew that the greed had been buried in the hearts of so many and that it would go on spreading to others without end because the greed was black and without end and the people who carried it were largely lacking in the ability of self-reflection or at least that ultimate bit of self-reflection that allows one to admit that they might be wrong. While the greed went on to corrupt humanity’s interactions, causing distrust, fear and destruction, it also went on to propel humanity to great feats of civilization and technological wonder causing humanity to also marvel at itself and sacrifice forethought of consequence in favor of seemingly ever greater achievement. The ancient ones looked on from beyond the tombs where their bodies were buried with quickened vision, unencumbered by their previously finite minds, and they looked on with a fullness of vision they hadn’t previously possessed. They were pleased to observe that the blackness of greed had spread to so many in such diverse ways from the innocent and well intentioned to the most hardened and gluttonous but ultimately only advantaging an elite few who they longingly admired and originally intended as its beneficiaries. They were eventually also surprised to see a light that they had never noticed during their living days and whereas the greed was infinitely black, the light shone infinitely within as well but also radiated infinitely out and beyond itself forever, sharing a brilliance beyond anything they had ever thought to desire and it shared itself freely with all who were willing to see it or who happened to find themselves within its warmth and shine. It even displaced the greed where ever it came into contact with the greed. The only place it did not shine was within the darkest shadows of greed where some purposefully withdrew not wanting to ever know anything other than the familiarity afforded by the blackness of the greed. The ancient ones who created the greed were among those lost in the shadows, the only difference between themselves and the living being that they could observe the light as well as the dark and be conscious that the light existed and further conscious that they had never experienced the light in their lifetime. Still possessed, not only of the darkness but also of an innate desire to experience the unexperienced, their satisfaction of the accomplishment of greed soon began to share space within the realm of their own desire with the curiosity and wonder of what the light might be and they wondered what it might be like to experience the light. Their satisfaction of the greed continually diminished in the light replaced with a dissatisfaction for their inability to know the light and the tombs that forever possessed their bodies seemed also to forever enclose their existence in such small dark confines as they had not anticipated and which saddened them as infinitely as the greed they created.