loser

The year of his loserdom was simply a one and a half to two year period of cascading realizations about the nature of his underachievement in life. Up until that point, he thought he was on his way and that success was just around the corner.  It may have been but he kept on waiting for that corner to turn in his direction revealing the success he had so hoped for. Other times he worked tirelessly to achieve other goals, some worthy and other unworthy, neither of which he ever achieved,  but in retrospect, during the year of his loserdom, he realized he mistakenly thought that by working towards one thing, he could then achieve another. Alas, in the year of his loserdom he realized that who he was was not embodied in the success he had hoped for but rather who he was was embodied in his failed attempts towards that success.  As the year of his loserdom was about to end, he realized that the success, which may have once been around the corner, was actually so far away that he wasn’t sure he should bother trying anymore and he also realized that he didn’t even really know who he was because as it had turned out, he had been a failure for so long without even knowing it. His lack of realization for so long was a whole other issue that gnawed at him unceasingly until he fully and truly just gave up. The disappointment he felt eventually emerged as the ever present backdrop of his life that he no longer attached to his sense of failure and it just became who he was.