meaningful or less

He was feeling so miscellaneous for a Tuesday in June and so he laid his head down to think about a thing or two and what he ended up thinking was that maybe what he thought was meaningful about life was not actually meaningful at all. In reality, this wasn’t the first time he thought that and the reoccurring nature of this thought made him think about the nature of such reoccurrences and he wondered if the reoccurrences spoke to the truthfulness of what reoccurred. A fear gripped him deeply because he had lived for so long with the meaning that he felt was so deeply a part of the universe and he wondered what was deeper, the fear in his heart of the possible meaninglessness of life or the meaning he felt he always knew. He tried to reach down within himself to feel which was deeper and he began to feel some things with a particularity he hadn’t felt before until he felt the edges of something that he didn’t quite understand whether it was his fear or the meaning. He felt and felt some more until he discerned that it was a spherical mass of a certain impenetrability. If he had to guess, he would have guessed that it would have fit in the palm of his hand but would not have disappeared in his own grip and it was in that moment that he realized this was the thing that the fear had gripped but that what he needed to understand was within the sphere and he wondered how to penetrate the sphere to learn of its contents. Was it empty or was it the meaning that he cherished? Time passed and he pondered this matter with weight and intensity and a hope to find his way in and eventually realizing that he was gripping this sphere more tightly than the fear had ever griped it and he realized the fear had been displaced by his own tight grip. This realization astonished him and in a reactive way, he let loose his grip. No longer gripping the sphere, which was also no longer griped with fear, it seemed at peace and relaxed and he also felt at peace and relaxed and in that moment, the sphere itself seemed to disappear yet what occupied it remained and what remained was a spherical space that was empty but empty in way that he had never considered empty could be because it was infinite and invited him to reach further within always going further into the infinite space and he realized that both this invitation and infinity was in fact the meaning that went beyond all fears and meaninglessness that he might ever be imagined.