wishes and honesty

Halfhearted attempts at recognition to simply appease rather than appreciate what he offered in revealing sincerity was all he could gather for an audience. He accepted their insincerity in return hoping he was wrong but all along feeling that they never really look at what came from his heart. He was willing to give it all but it didn’t seem to matter and so he wondered if everything he had to give really wasn’t that much in the end. He was as sure of his mediocracy as he was at their insincerity, a nagging truth that he could avoid but which colored the backdrop of everything. He looked for the nothingness of black velvet but the uncomfortable glimmer was always there illuminating and casting shadows. That’s just how it was he determined, some were and some weren’t and he just wasn’t. He just wanted to be but wanting to be only amounts to wishes and wishes were as ordinary as most people including himself so he wondered why he even bothered to try. He wondered if it would just be better to exorcise his wishes and replace them with the acceptance of his limitations. Save his time and energy for the indentured work that always called and from which there was no release and wish only for numbness from the aches and pains that graceless service offered. He would appease the Gods just like everyone had appeased him. Halfhearted attempts at the life they destined for him regardless of whatever sincerity they offered.